I’m a big preacher of self love. This could be making time within your schedules to have down time that fulfils and benefits you and only you, or the self-love we talk about less. Lets talk about intimate partners….
Intimate partners If you want it, give it to yourself. Many of us get trapped in a dialog that sexuality and sexual expression are only valid when given to others. We can feel that being loved by another is the proof that you yourself are in fact lovable. This builds a dependence on another person to validate us and the truth is, no one can actually make you feel happy or enough. You are the only person who can actually do that. Let me give you an example. We can paint our nails to try and harden them and stop them from chipping away and being bendy and weak. Although for a few days or weeks our nails are hard and protected by the varnish, at some point, you have to take the varnish off. When that happens our nails feel the same as before. We often put more varnish on our nails knowing it might not be helping the health of our nails, but at least no one sees the real nails you have underneath. When we chose to eat the right foods that contain the vitamins and minerals that build stronger nails and we take better care of our natural nails, they are strong and shiny without the need of varnish. You now have the option to wear varnish if you want to and not because you have to. Stop looking outside for someone to save you or, someone to make you feel safe or to fulfil your need to be loved or to deserve love. Internal work can be tough, but once you learn the tools and take the steps it begins to change who you see in the mirror. You can stand in your vulnerability recognising that you not only are deserving of love but that you are loved by yourself (yes - you really can feel that way!). Many of us have had our share of rejections, disempowerments and betrayals by others who we thought would or did love us. What we saw after those experiences in how you behaved, treated yourself or others is an expression of whether you grew from the pain, hurt and suffering, or became suffocated by it and now hide behind walls. We see so many people lost in their past of pain and hurt unable to move forwards with their lives because they do not have the tools. Breath deep into your lungs now. Feel the chest expand and your body move. This is your body and your life. Choose you. Self love includes saying no to people who do not serve us. I know it feels weird to turn down someone who could show you love and appreciation. But this is what I want you to think about as you are engaging with someone you are interested in becoming invested and intimate with. Do their ACTIONS show they are respectful, considerate (i.e. your non-negotiables in a partner?), do I actually want them? Or are they just someone who could fill my emotional void for a period? When we invite people into your lives who we do not actually want for themselves, they can feel it. People are not there to be used to distract us from our pain. Practice integrity in what you give as much as what you receive. Self-love is looking at your past with kindness in your thoughts to see if you have patterns of letting people in for particular reasons. Do they mirror experiences / people you knew as a child (good or bad)? Or do they have one aspect that you wanted in your past that made you forget about all the red flags they were showing? Love yourself enough to see your truth Once we love ourselves enough to be honest, we can begin to move forwards with kindness, we can begin to attract into our lives the love from others we deserve as well as developing the love from ourselves that fulfils us. Big love