Get you one who can do both?

I see every summer a collection of posts with mainly women showing either an exercise photo and a dress-up photo or something with the same variety. This blog is not to attack or shame on anyone who has put up one of those posts, I just want to draw your eye to evaluate why you posted it or to be more specific what you were trying to fulfil by doing it.

We human beings are complex and expansive creatures. Full of so many layers and valuable differences. If you have ever dabbled near the work of Clarissa Pinkola Estes you know that there is a very powerful duality of creation and destruction within women as well as an inner more personal duality. This being said I don't think these Instagram posts are trying to express that specific duality. But there more to us then duality.

Infinitely dual we are more than just two sides we are all side. Like a crystal with many faces and edges, we all have so many parts that make us up, from our history, our experiences, our ancestral lines and our adult decisions. Our likes and dislikes, hopes and fear we can become uncomfortable in our vastness. We can seek to shrink, shrinking into the small box we are handed in society as acceptable, allowed, box’s like attractive, fit, cute, kind. In so doing we require ourselves to shrink to become blocked in, disconnected from core parts of ourselves and very often left with unmet needs.

Now I know that these posts are put out for a variety of reason and as a woman with many

awesome lifting pictures that are very tempting to put up to have people see the attractive, sexy, athletic side of me, but here is why I didn't. I didn't need to compress my expansiveness into a small duality photo. I also didn't need to prove that I am valuable of dating because of my duality. All of which applies to you too, here is the second point. Dating me, dating YOU, should not be a place you hustle your worthiness on the weight of your perceived variety. Your ability to be more than one thing for another person. Now before you think I am preaching let me say I have been in that position, hustling for someone's affection based on what I could provide for them and what value I was for him to have me on his arm. But that is acting from a place of disempowered need. I was desperate to have my needs met and the only way I saw that happening was if he chose me because of the value I put out.

You are not worthy because of the value you create for another person. You are worthy based on the value you find in yourself. So post away your duality posts of strong and sexy, hard and soft, beautiful and bashful but know that the opinion that matters is yours. Find that duality of creation and destruction, calm and strong (T-shirt reference), powerful and powerless settled securely and safely in the core of yourself and accept it, celebrate it and own it for yourself.

If you find you are using these kinds of posts as a bargaining tool to be chosen accepted and valued that I invite you to explore what a change it would be if that need you are trying to fulfil through online validation was fulfilled by yourself and others were an added perk, not a necessity.

These posts can come from a place of pride, joy and fulfilment or from a place of need, hope and validation seeking. If you post from that latter there is no shame or blame here just an invitation to seek for better, kinder more prosperous posting decisions. You definitely deserve more your validation coming from the DM’s that objectify you. And if you are posting these from the place of pride… then sista you keep on shining.

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